Finding a match for one’s son, when he reaches marriageable age, is one of the mitzvahs that is incumbent upon a father. And if the son is independent, it is his own obligation to marry a woman. Rgarding a daughter, as well, our Sages instructed the father to marry her off. They said: “If your daughter has come of age, marry her off, and free your servant if you must] and give him to her.” Fortunate is the person who heeds the words of the Sages. However, the matter is not completely in the father’s control, for he may not hand her over to a contemptible and lawless person. On the other hand, he should not aim towards high standing and seek a wealthy man. Rather, even if the match one finds for his daughter is not a man of means, but he is modest and possesses good character traits, then let the father “walk in innocence, on the path of the good” and marry her to him. It is the blessing of Hashem that provides wealth.
“One should sell all that he has in order to marry off his daughter to a Torah scholar.” This is a well-known dictum of the Sages. They also said that when marrying a woman, one should check her brothers, because most sons are similar to the mother’s brothers, so if they are Torah scholars, then he can be assured his sons will also be Torah scholars. Anybody whose eyes are not completely sealed can clearly see the praise of having husband who is a Torah scholar. Torah raises the honor of the house and it gives the person good hope and a good future, and he will live in peace. For certainly one who is a Torah scholar will follow the words of the Sages who instructed the man to honor his wife, and they said: “One should love his wife like his own body, and honor her more than his own body.” Also, it is the way of a Torah scholar that he is not impatient in his home, and the like. There really are so many high advantages in marrying a Torah scholar. And the highest advantage is that his wife shares with him his reward in the World to Come. So, there we have it: An intelligent father can see for himself that he should not set his sights on money but, rather, he should chose sons-in-law who are wise, God-fearing men – even if they have no money at all – for better dry bread with domestic peace than a house full of feasting on fights.
